True confession: I can be a bit of a control freak.
My DVDs are arranged in alphabetical order. The clothes in my closet are sorted according to the color spectrum. Roy G. Biv…remember him? Of course, greys and blacks follow the violets. If it isn’t in iCal, it’s not happening. I love an empty email inbox. My friends (affectionately, I’m sure) call me SMOG (Super Mega Organized Girl).
Unfortunately, sometimes that administrative gifting spills into other areas of my life. Situations. Relationships. I try to manage them…keep them in order…make sure they’re safe…make sure I’m safe within them. I try to imagine various scenarios, outcomes, responses…to have a plan in place so I’m prepared for whatever may happen. Kind of like Will Farrell’s character in “Stranger Than Fiction.”
Okay, maybe I’m not quite that bad. Still.
Last night, I had the pleasure of joining a group of new friends in an evening of worship. I was kneeling, just singing along, when I felt impressed to hold out my hands, palms facing up. I did so, figuring that God was about to show me something he wanted me to receive from him. Then, unexpectedly, I heard two words whispered to my heart:
Stop trying to be in control…as if being in control were even possible. It’s really just an illusion, isn’t it? And when I release the reins of my life, of the situations that present themselves each day, of my relationships…that is when I step out of the way and allow God to have his way. And his way? His way is goooood.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11
So the SMOG is learning to release, to rest, to wait, and to trust. Got any tips? How do you cede control to God (and keep yourself from trying to snatch it back)?