I spent a number of years being different levels of angry at God. Occasionally my anger was active and I’d cry and yell at him, but usually it was the passive, just-under-the-skin sort of anger. Always lurking beneath the surface, it quietly drove a wedge between Daddy and me.
You see, people always told me that God gives us the desires of our heart. And mostly, I had a pretty good life. I had a place of my own, a job I enjoyed, and friends and family who cared for me. All my needs were met alongside many of my wants. But the one thing I wanted most in life, the thing I repeatedly told God I’d give everything else up for, he denied. I was asking for bread, and while it’s true he didn’t give me a stone, he certainly didn’t send any baked goods my way.
Frankly, that ticked me off (and “ticked” is not the word I really wanted to use).
The stage was set. I’d prepared myself flawlessly. God was being stubborn and withholding. At least, that’s how it appeared from my perspective. Which, as it turns out, is limited.
Horrendously, laughably limited.
I once heard this concept illustrated as follows: A father who loves his young son and has the means may purchase that son an extravagant, classic sports car. The car is valuable, a collector’s item, and goes really fast. That father, however, would never actually turn over the keys to the car until the son is capable of handling it properly. Get the timing wrong on this gift and what began as an expression of love becomes a death trap, a murder weapon, or both. The son can’t determine for himself when he is ready. His heart is for the car. But the heart of the father is for the son, so it’s the father who decides.
Timing is everything.
Now that I’m walking in this answered prayer, I can look back and see the Father’s hand orchestrating my life. I thought I was ready to handle what I was asking for, but in truth I would’ve crashed and burned. Removing that wedge between God and me and focusing on becoming the person he made me to be prepared me to receive what I’d prayed for, cried for, and longed for all those years. And trust me: it is worth every tear shed and every minute spent waiting.